When Alex was first born I clearly remember staring into his beautiful face thinking “what do I want for you more than anything?” And the word that came to me after a long time was “respect”. I wanted him to have self respect, respect for others and the world. I believe that when you respect things how could you choose poorly. It forces you to evaluate the situation and decide “does this choice reflect your values?” I raised him with this principal always in the forefront of my mind. 

Throughout the years I’m sure I fell short of my goals more than I realize.  At the moment we all make the best decisions and choices that we can given the situation.  However, I’m a bit of a perfectionist so when I was blessed with the prospect of another child I could not make those same mistakes twice.   I reflect often on my shortcomings and ignorance, try to forgive myself and live more intentionally. I now believe that while perfection is unattainable and an illusion, we should always strive to learn from the past and live in the present.

While respect is still a fundamental value to me, I also want my younger son to be seen for who he is and feel it. I often regret that I did not stop to fully engage with my oldest as he spoke with me. There were so many missed opportunities to engage him as I was drowning in thoughts, things to do and worries as a single working mother. Often I know I provided solutions when all he needed was someone to listen. Problem solving is a valuable skill that must be developed and I robbed him of many opportunities in my haste to get things done. Sadly, my interference and impatience also undermined his confidence. The products of my mistakes surfaced during highschool, but I only recognized them because I could finally see the young man struggling to make himself known to me. Too many years later.

My oldest son, now twenty five years old, has never ceased to amaze me with wisdom beyond his years, his kindness, intelligence and of course his respect for himself,  others and the world.  Alex is much better at problem solving now. He still does not realize his own value, but that took me forty years. He told me recently that he wants to be remembered for living his values. I would say that he is a reminder that children are a product of their environment and also fortunately, very forgiving of their parents’ shortcomings.